Twas The Night Before The Primary...

Twas the night before the primary and all across Missouri
Not a politician was sleeping, not even Matt Blunt's email attorney.
The yard signs were placed on the lawn with great care
With hope that the candidates they supported would win fair and square.

The ads were still playing on television sets
While visions of swaying voters still danced in their heads.
With Sarah Steelman courting moderates, and Hulshof Republican fatcats
Tonight they will likely not settle down for any sort of nap.

When then in the kitchen there arose such a clatter
I sprung from my bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the telephone I flew like a flash
Hoping a friend or relative hadn't been in a crash.

The words on the phone said caller unknown
while the moon shone down brightly on the Ozarks below.
But what to my groggy ears should I hear
but a robo call from Sam Page, oh dear! oh dear!

With the time nearing two a.m. I knew pretty quick
that this had to be a darned ole Republican trick.
More rapid than eagles his qualifications they came
All the things he had voted for, he called them by name!

Free healthcare! Better Education! A true hero for us!
I heard about everything from him but tax cuts.
Around Missouri, in towns big and small
People were waking at midnight to all of these calls.

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.
So I opened the door and out it the phone threw
with the caller id and the answering machine, too.

And then in a flash I heard on the roof
what sounded like tiny little donkey hoofs.
As I drew in my hand and was turning around,
Down the chimney Jeff Harris came with a bound.

He was dressed in a suit from his head to his foot
But now his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
His cheeks were like roses but his eyes were all bleery
I thought to myself, this man is in the same party as John Kerry?

His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow
like he had given a thousand campaign speeches in a row.
Give 'em Hell Harris was the speech he recited to me
and when he was done, I bade him to leave.

On the porch was a man with a broad face and little round belly
Jay Nixon, when he laughed, shook like a bowl full of jelly.
He had thought about calling for support, that jolly old elf,
but decided instead to come see me himself.

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head
Reminded me of one thing I had forgotten with dread.
Tonight the calls were just the beginning of his work
The general election was still weeks away he said with a smirk.

Now the dawn was coming quickly and I needed to dose.
But before going to bed the chimney flu I did close.
As I laid back down in bed faintly I heard a the whine of a whistle
and I prayed to the good Lord that the Common Sense Express wasn't coming to visit.

Tomorrow some candidates would give up the fight...
While others would say Thank you to all... see you again on election night!

HAPPY VOTING TO YOU ALL... AND TO ALL GOOD LUCK GETTING SLEEP TONIGHT!